Praying To God & Telling My Dad
Disclaimer: when I say enemy, I am referring to the devil. Like there is heaven and hell, there is a God and a Devil, and they are real.
Introduction
The enemy did not want me to open up about my insecurities, and he didn’t even want me to start this blog. That is why he tried to do anything he could to distract my mind. But GOD! God was showing me dreams left and right that lifted my spirits and encouraged me to keep going. I think the beauty of it is that my dream is God’s dream for my life. I am constantly reminded that, with God, anything is possible. All you have to do is believe in him!
Get To Steppin
One day, I was sitting in a room with a group of friends from church, and we were having a conversation about our personal trials and tribulations. I enjoy hanging around this group of ladies because we are all comfortable and real with each other. We tell each other what we need to hear, not what we want to hear. I call that real love. I believe that God brings us close to people for a reason. It is one of the most beautiful experiences, especially when you develop comfort and lasting friendships through healthy relationships. Monday, April 18th, 2022, was the day that I opened about my childhood trauma to my lady friends.
After I opened up about what happened, one of my friends encouraged me to tell my dad. I shook my head no because I’d held back from saying anything for so long. Ultimately that is what the enemy wants. He knew this was the next step I had to take to break a generational cycle. I believe that God wants to take me to the next level, but I had to believe in him (God) and myself to take the initial step. However, that is often an uncomfortable thing to do.
A Fresh Breath Of Life
As I was driving home from church on Sunday, April 24th, 2022., I was listening to Mike Todd’s message about forgiveness. As I was listening to the sermon, my heart started to pound. I knew that this was the day I would open up to my dad about my childhood trauma. Additionally, I remember thinking of something that stood out to me. The initial feeling would not go away. I remembered something that one of my friends shared with me; she said something like this: “Sometimes you have to be selfish. You can’t worry about how others will feel or what they will think of you. This is for you to begin your healing process to move forward in your life.” I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex. Believe me when I say that I was not in a hurry to my apartment. I walked up to the third floor and slowly unlocked the door. When God puts something on my heart and it does not go, away; it continues to bother me until I do something about it.
As I was pacing back and forth, I reminded myself that this is going to be a good thing, and this was going to bring me that much closer to my dad here on earth and my dad in heaven. I sat down and said a prayer to God. I said something similar to this: “Lord, I believe, and I trust in you, and I know that you are present in this room. I will finally open up my heart and tell my dad about my childhood trauma. Help me to have the courage to say what I know that I need to say and protect my dad from moving forward and acting in a way that is displeasing to you. Help him to be open and understanding. Amen.” I share this prayer with you because I believe every parent wants to protect their child in every shape and form.
I am not a parent, but over the years, I’ve learned that parents have an instinct to protect their child(ren). My dad is a 5’11 man with muscles and a round belly, but he has a BIG heart. He used to tell my brother and me that he was hurting inside when my brother or I were hurt or crying. I believe that is a parent’s way of expressing his love for his child(ren). My dad always tells me that I will understand what it is like to love a child when I have my own because it is the real deal.
As I scrolled through my phone contacts and clicked on ‘Dad’ to call him (my heart was pumping hard through my chest). He answered the phone as usual, saying something silly that always makes me laugh. I could tell that he was ironing his clothes because I heard the iron board screech as he pressed the iron against his clothes.
Simultaneously, I asked my dad if he could pray with me, and even though he responded and said, “ok” with a slight hesitation, I felt that he knew something was wrong. I said something like, “Lord, you are with us as I tell my dad what happened to me when I was a little girl. I am telling him this because I want to break the generational curse and begin the healing process. Give me the strength to be honest. I know that this will bring us a lot closer moving forward. Amen.”
The conversation went something like this:
“What’s Wrong?” said dad.
I burst out crying as I begin to tell him what happened and then I said, “This trauma has affected me in ways that I did not understand over the years. I am seeking professional help. Today, I feel very uncomfortable when I am around him and I hate it.”
As simple as that may sound, it took me 25 years to say something to the man who helped raise and take care of me, but that does not mean that sharing it with your parents is going to be easy. Just like any other parent, he was upset and calm. It was a relief when he told me that he was proud of me for telling him on my own time. He asked additional questions about the trauma, but the one question that stood out to me is when he asked if I wanted to go to his (the abuser) house that same day. I was shaking, and my heart started to pound even harder. Deep down, I wanted to continue the momentum, so I responded and said that I want to go the following week. Even though I was unsure if I was ready, I knew that this will help me continue moving on and begin to heal.
Until Next Time Loves
I know, I know! You are probably thinking- “No, she didn’t!” but there is so much more to share next time that I had to pause here. As you read this blog, I hope you got a better understanding of my thoughts and feelings as I told my dad the trauma that hurt me for so long. It was not an easy task, but I trust God, and I am happy that I moved forward with opening up to my dad. Stay tuned for Home Therapy Part 2 to learn more about what happened next.
Dear Dad, Journal
Dear Dad,
I want you to know that I appreciate you and am very thankful that I am blessed to have such a caring person in my life. You’ve always encouraged me to go out and reach for my dreams. I don’t think I would have gotten this far if it was not for your full support. I love you!
Some of us grew up with a dad. Unfortunately, some of us did not. I love being a woman in Christ because we all have a dad who died for our sins, and his name is Jesus Christ. I encourage you to click the Dear Dad Link to journal what you appreciate Him for doing in your life and what you believe for him to do in your life.
Stay Blessed,
🤎 D 🤎